College graduate looking for a job and looking into grad school which will hopefully lead me to medical school. My journey to the person I am right now begins during my last week as an undergrad and this first post will give an insight through a series of events. A lot of college guys journey begins with a girl and mine is no different. My introduction to her cam in my sophomore year but I never said anything to her (for one she had a boyfriend at the time and I wasn't really confident about myself at the time). Well that year finished and junior year began and I notice that she came to a couple of our suite's party. After the first couple I didn't take it for anything but there was one party I had a feeling something would happen and something did and i thought it was the beginning of something great. I was wrong and it just led to a rollercoaster of events. For starters she just stopped talking to me. I was confused by that because that was the first time I have opened myself up to a girl in a long time. The summer came and I tried to talk to her but it wasn't really received well. That summer I worked not too far from her hometown and I remember one time she said she was going to come up to hang out with me for a day. I was so excited like my summer honestly couldn't have gotten any better. It was going to rain so I planned an indoor picnic and movie. It wasn't until 10 at night did it finally hit me that she wasn't coming. That was cool I thought. I would just go hang out with my friends no big deal.
Even though that happened I still kind of liked her and couldn't wait for school to start back to hopefully win her back. It was pretty heartbreaking though on my first day back that was in a relationship. Even though it hurt I would say that was the best thing that could have happened because I put all my focus into my work and did the best I ever did that semester. We did eventually start talking again and I was pretty pumped about that. She even invited me to hangout with her one night. I was excited about that but the hardest thing to do that night was to not hook up with her. I wanted to show her that I wanted her for more than just that and we cuddled for the night which I thought was a good sign. Well we stopped talking again and probably didn't talk again until ending of February to early March. When we did it was good, we started hanging out outside of work and we even went out a couple of times which was good. Our feelings for each other eventually got out in the open and things were going good until we hung out over the summer. I don't know what happen but she said she felt as though we lost chemistry. I was pretty pissed off about this at the time it happened mainly because of the way it happened. I was still hung up on her for some time after that. I remember one time I went out to a party then I came back and tweeted at her. I deleted it but I shouldn't have done that. I even wrote a letter to her and opened up to her completely but that didn't work because I haven't heard from her still. I wasn't really expecting to hear from her but it would have been nice just because I wrote somethings I hadn't told anyone before but that's whatever.
I guess this story ties in with the title of the blog. I felt hurt by this happening. We planned out everything and this was a girl I felt I could love. Clearly I was wrong but it could also just be it was the wrong time to try to start something. She was a really good friend and it just really hurts sometimes that I can't even talk to her anymore. The second part of the title is because I am ok with how things are now. In the beginning of the summer I felt like I only had her and when things didn't work out I felt as though I had no one but that feeling faded. I felt as though I lost my chance at finding a girl that actually liked me. The day I sent the letter I went out to a party with some friends and there was a girl there that I liked since day one of training and it was kind of flirtatious at the party. And even though it might have been nothing or just friendly (I like to think it was more haha) it showed me that she wasn't the only girl out there.Along that same thought, the reason why I love my summer job is because I always leave with friends that I know are going to being around for the rest of my life. I have friends from back home and college that I know are going to be around for life but because I personally do most of my growing as a person over the summer (for some strange reason) those who are around to see that means a lot to me. Another thing that surprised me was how laid back about the whole job search. I expected them to be pretty high strung because I chose the job route for now I stead of grad school right away. Just seeing that makes me feel really good about where I am in life. Today my dad asked me if I ever sat back and thought about how well you did and I said no. He just told me that I did well. That's something I needed because I was the one who was high strung and anxious and kind of depressed. Everyday is getting better and I am looking forward to this journey of life. I'm just writing this blog as an outlet for me to express how I feel so that I could become the man that I want to be. I don't really expected anyone to really read this but if you do hope you enjoy and appreciate you being on this journey with me.
PS: I really hope that I am able to eventually become friends with that girl again even if nothing ever starts up again. I guess I'll just have to wait out this journey to see if that would happen.
"The only handicap in life is a bad attitude"
